We've learned a thing or two in our adventures in long-distance dating for the past 1.5 years (and more now that she'll be in Ghana), and since a friend asked for some advice, I wanted share some thoughts on how we do it.

1. Trust is the input that keeps your long-distance relationship alive - Some background: we have been dating for several years before we went long distance. We went to college together and dealt with long distance before, when she studied abroad. We were lucky to have a strong relationship to build off of. As with most relationships, the more developed the relationship, the more comfort and trust you have in each other. But with long-distance, one of the most difficult things is knowing that someone is likely to go out on Saturday nights without you, and without a healthy quantity of trust, your relationship will turn into assumptions and accusations. Admittedly, trust is central to any relationship, but it becomes more important when you see each other infrequently and socialize apart.

   

2. Long distance relationships are more of an investment than a consumption activity- No one wants to be in a long distance relationship forever. Seeing someone on brief occasions just isn't as good as seeing someone regularly. You get into a long-distance relationship because there is a future where the benefits at the end outweigh present costs. No matter what it is (career, school, war, etc.), the love-letters written during this time period have a prospective tone. Look at your long distance relationship as an investment, with the understanding that you will have to sacrifice some of the short-term "consumption" benefits you would get from a regular relationship.

3. There is hope though! Create the right mix between frequency and value - Every relationship has some mix between frequency and value in every interaction. For example, a high-frequency, low-value interaction may be the hello you give everyday to the security guard. Because the interaction happens frequently, you have been able to build good will, perhaps enough to one day have the security guard let you in the office after hours. An example of a low-frequency, high-value interaction is probably a vacation. By its nature, it happens infrequently, but the value derived from it is high. 
   
4. Technology enables for frequency and value - Back before the telephone, long distance relationships relied on love letters (courtesy of the Pony Express), while almost all activities of high frequency were virtually impossible. Luckily for the long-distance couple, the commonly prudish sentiments at the time meant infrequent interaction between both sexes before marriage anyway. 
   In a long distance relationship, value of each interaction becomes more important, since interactions are less frequent. For example, if you only interact a couple times a week, a bad phone call can make you feel bad about the relationship for several days.  Technology can help with this problem both by allowing more high frequency interactions (for example, a quick text message can be the equivalent of the daily hello to the security guard), and by improving the quality of each interaction. Nothing (so far) is going to compare to the presence of a real person, but here are some technical solutions that may help in keeping those problems at bay:
   • Facebook, Twitter, Texting, and a whole host of micro-communication services - These services help us see high-frequency, low-value events in your partner's life. Twitter, Facebook, and social games allow all of us to more easily keep in touch with each other, which helps us feel a sense of presence.
   • Mobile Phones (unlimited text and calling) - Besides enabling your mother to continue to nag you, a mobile phone also increases frequency of communication. I've found that simply calling/texting someone while you're walking or waiting is a great way to keep in touch.
   • Skype or Video Chat is a great way to schedule real interaction - My girlfriend and I will have scheduled dinner and movie nights. We'll each cook separate dinners and then talk with each other face to face while eating. Then, we'll turn to Hulu or a movie that I might send her and we'll both time the entertainment at the same time so we laugh at the same parts of Modern Family or say "wow" at the same moments on Planet Earth. We both talk to each other while watching the entertainment, which helps us create stimulating conversation and ultimately better quality time.
   • Inexpensive air travel allows great low-frequency, high value events.
   • Share meaningful content and interests with each other - Create ways to enrich your relationship through shared interests and goals. You can send real stuff (like books, gifts, etc.), but you can also send each other content such as articles, music, etc. that you both enjoy. Use those interests to plan interesting conversations to improve your interactions. PREVENT THIS:



5. Technology isn't enough though, the key is balancing the benefits of absence against the detriments of forgetfulness:
   • You should have lives outside of your relationship- Relationships are generally hard when one person has a different work-life balance than the other.  If one person is constantly sitting at home waiting to video chat, while the other person is working or out spending time with friends, it can become difficult for both parties. This phenomenon is no different from a regular relationship: it's important to agree on how much time is necessary for the relationship. If you lack a base, you might find that an hour plus every night on the phone is necessary, but like startups and rockets, they require a lot of energy in the beginning to reach cruising velocity. I don't envy anyone doing both at the same time.
   • The benefit is that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You learn to appreciate your partner and you learn to interact for most value for you and your relationship. 
   • Once you become comfortable though, don't forget what you like about your partner. The key is to fit the relationship with your life and work, while minimizing forgetfulness. For some people that's making sure to see the other person every two weeks, while for others it is seeing the other person every three months. Your long distance relationship becomes more similar to mobile family relationships, where you can be comfortable not being with the other person, but can reassert that person's importance to you. Beware the relationship when it starts moving from being valuable to becoming a burden or obligation.

This video along with Seligman on Positive Psychology explains the  world of happiness to me. I usually talk about this when I talk about  why money won't buy you happiness and usually people disagree with me.  I think it'll just take time.

The amazing Dan Jones (a fellow Udall Scholar) posted this on our Udall scholar list. I have to say, I was skeptical at first, but he captures exactly the right type of humor/love/panache. The acting is also superb.

Given the state of our economy, it is a great time to build a business with a revolutionary product.

No, I’m not trying to scam you into investing in a Nigerian royal family. Your competitors will be thinking of cutting costs instead of innovating and since the cost of starting a website has gone down so drastically, you don’t need as much capital to launch a business. Lastly, you’re probably going to be tightening your belt anyway, so why not tighten it just a little bit more and start a business.LaunchBox and other early stage investment firms can help.

NOTE: This is the second in a two-part post about LaunchBox Digital.

You should take risks when you’re young. Usually you’re just going through the motions to signal that you’re a qualified individual during and after college. I, for one, was definitely doing a lot of that. So, doing LaunchBox immediately after Fantasy Congress was a logical extension of the “we want to stop talking about what we want to do and actually start doing it” mentality.

LaunchBox Digital saw potential in us. When we applied, we didn’t even really have an idea. We had a couple different ideas- no prototype- and just a detailed proposal (with photoshop image) of our mobile recommendation service. LaunchBox seemed a natural choice because we were local, we already had a free house to work out of (which cut our burn to just food and living), and all three of us had experience working and launching with each other.

Luckily, LaunchBox didn’t hold it against us and we settled on JamLegend. In general, LaunchBox is perfect for people who are new to startups and the test-driven culture of startups- Build, Launch, Check Assumptions, Make Decision to Continue or Do Something Else.

The real question for a lot of people is whether there is a value-add from LaunchBox (or any other early stage firm). Here was the list I came up with:

1. Validation- Nothing beats getting traction in the market, but having the LaunchBox stamp was a great way to receive early validation. Since they were familiar with the ideas and execution, we had willing champions for our startup- an important first step to external market validation.
2. PR- LaunchBox and a bunch of other early stage firms have similar relationships with technology press and it’s a great way to get some early adopters and get some early users.
3. Community- In my opinion, the most useful part of the LB08 experience was the community. Working on a startup requires people who are working as hard or harder than you, holding each other accountable and pushing each other to do better. We developed great friendships with a bunch of great people. To this day, I can still call anyone who was previously involved with LaunchBox Digital and we’re always willing to help each other.
4. Advice- Sean, John and Julius are great coaches. Instead of telling us what to do, they were very good at guiding us along to find our own path. Before we were even accepted into the program, Sean Greene and Julius Genachowski invited us to play in their local basketball game where we had the opportunity to see how Sean and Julius acted outside of a formal business settting. They were clearly good at basketball themselves, but they were definitely focused on coaching and assisting each other in gameplay. During the program, if there was something pressing, John McKinley would be willing to sit down and literally hash out for a full two hours on a particular problem. Advice at the initial stage is so important because it has far-reaching implications for the future (much like the early experiences a child receives).

I was most surprised in LaunchBox by the unparalleled access to world-class startup veterans (literally, as Eyal Geyer from Gizmoz flew in from Israel). Not only did they have some amazing presentations (part. Dan Simpkins demo was probably the most astounding), but we have still kept up conversations since then. From Haroon Mokhtarzada of Webs to serial entrepreneur Mike Cassidy(both the nicest badasses I have ever met), we have received amazing advice on how to run our company and how best to think strategically about our business.

To be fair, we were the first class and we were located in Washington D.C. so there were some obvious limitations. I would have liked a more technical cohort, weekly product demos, ways to create IP protection (and other competitive barriers), and someone who gave on-the-ground technical advice, but these are things that I know LaunchBox is aware of and will be providing in this next go-around. All in all, it was a good experience.

Since we did the LaunchBox08 program, we have launched our web startup -JamLegend – raised a small amount of funding and are now in San Francisco experiencing the startup dream with others just like us. We received some great advice on fundraising, what features to prioritize, strategy, and pitching. Ultimately, as with all experiences, you get what you make of it and we gained hands-on experience that you just cannot get anywhere else (making small amounts of money go very far and learning all aspects of running an organization).

So now, the ultimate question: Would I re-apply to and participate in LaunchBox08 with another idea?

Yes and No. LaunchBox taught me quite a lot and I’m confident that I could go out and start another startup without their help (especially here in the startup hub of the Bay Area). I’m far from being a Jedi Master, but I think they have taught me enough to understand the ways of the startup Force. Nevertheless, given the opportunity again, it would be my top choice. I think LaunchBox provides exactly what a bunch of guys with an idea need- guidance, a small bit of capital, and a way to make dreams come true.

This post is the first in a two-part post about LaunchBox Digital.

Before I go further, ask yourself if LaunchBox is right for you. If you’re Lebron James, just go straight to the NBA. If you’re Mark Zuckerberg, drop out of college and start Facebook without any other funding. It depends on your risk tolerance and your what you think is your likelihood of success. This will be the first decision of many as your startup grows and evolves, so choose wisely, but don’t make the decision affect the work you do afterwards.

If you’ve chosen to do it (as those who have e-mailed me to write this post have), then I think the following high-level ideas should drive your application and should help in determining how to strengthen your application. These are the factors that I personally think LaunchBox is looking for to help determine your success:

1. Team- at this stage, creating a product and having co-founders that can execute is most important. You want a team that has the ability or can easily acquire the ability to create and launch. We had previously started Fantasy Congress while in college and made money with a couple other games and that was a positive on our part.
2. Idea and Target Market- These two relate because your idea needs to pass a common sense test (someone besides your family and friends should want to use this product) and since everyone knows the idea will evolve, your market should be sufficiently large so that you can pivot and repurpose a lot of the work you’ve already done.
3. Product progress- The closer you are to a star basketball player, the more likely you’ll get chosen for the team. So in startups, the closer you are to a prototype, working site, or working business, the more likely you’ll be desirable candidate. So, right after applying- start building your product and start being a business. Oddly, the further along you are, the less likely you would need to go to LaunchBox.

You may be wondering… what if I don’t have a prototype or no progress?

Say a coach is choosing between two individuals who run just as fast, one with good form and one with bad form. The one the coach wants is the one with bad form because if the coach can train that person to have good form, they’ll be even better than the other runner– you job is to show how you are the startup equivalent of Rocky.

In the end, don’t take it personally. LaunchBox,YCombinator, Techstars, etc. are all looking for a potential business. The hard truth is that these factors are not about admission, but about your ability to win. That’s what LaunchBox or any college basketball team is looking for.

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Good commercials will get people to talk about the commercial, but great commercials are both relevant, personal, and sticky. This CareerBuilder commercial has those qualities- oh, and it repeats the message 3x, which according to some psychological studies means that you'll remember it. Oh... and the dude from the Guild is in this commercial.

Someone once told me that most normal people only use 3-5 websites regularly everyday. I find that I am generally the same way. When the social networking cold war (i.e. proliferation craze) began, I signed up for a plethora of online identities.

I've now begun to get ahold of my online identities, by first getting rid of Friendster. So goodbye #1 social networking site in the Pacific Islands.

TedLeonsis